Let me start out by saying this is probably the largest journey for me, find my authentic self, but not just finding it, living it.
This simply started by me being able to say simple words to most people. This is my reality, this was my reality, but my reality has to change a lot. The reason it has to change is to fulfill my long-term goals. I just finished reading an incredible book, Emotional Bullshit, damn that book hit hard in certain places, but I am willing to put to use its tactics because I do not want to live in Emotional Bullshit anymore and I do not want to validate anyone else's emotional bullshit, period.
You may be wondering how this will happen. I will be changing my communication style and I will learn to confront my fears, especially the fear of confrontation. I cannot and I will not be walked all over. I see how at my job I am so exploited, but I also see how I have validated it, and allowed it to continue. Boy oh boy, aren't some people at work about to get a different René.
No more keep masks in pockets, within easy reach to simply switch out whenever I need to be who someone wants me to be. It is time for Rene to be real; it is time for Rene to be who she really is. No more chameleon, no more hiding, no more avoidance. I am coming out but coming out with power. I want to be authentic; I do not want to be something I am not. I am validating myself and not allowing others to tell me who I am, who I should be, how I should act, etc. I am a grown woman turning 30 in July. Yes, I have been an adult for far too long. Yes, I lost my childhood. Yes, I have an incompetent mother who is only at a 5th grade level, but she did do the best she could do with what she knew. Yes, I have a father who is an alcoholic, abusive, horrible man. However, my past has shaped who I am for a reason and for a purpose. Now it is time to go forward with my history and change history.
I am beautiful, strong, resilient, capable, loving, respectable, respectful, important woman who has many VOICES to share with this world. I hope this world is ready for what is about to come. It is time for change and I want to be a force behind that change. I will be a force behind that change. My education is only strengthening me and it is even giving me a sharper sword to fight with, but my education is not only for myself, but it is for all of those out there who need to know they can change their history, their course, their path, their journey. All they need are a few tools, a VOICE, willingness, and readiness.
World here I come…
Peace and blessings!
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