Where I am currently at in my personal journey

So guess what step I am on in this incredible journey I am taking? I am choosing life, I am choosing to live, I am making a conscious effort to know that I am who I am for a reason, even though I am uncovering new parts of me all the time. I am choosing happiness over anger or sadness, I am choosing joy over frustration or depression.

So at this moment here is what I have to say: I am beautiful and no one can tell me anything different. So you say I am ugly? Why? Is it because I chose to love over hate? Oh wait, you are looking at my outside before knowing my inside, but that is okay by me because I know God created me in His image, not yours, not any man or woman's image. I am perfect because this is how He chose to make me. So what if I am not supermodel size 4 or the average American size 14, I am beautiful just the way I am. Are you shocked because I chose not to look like everyone around me? I want to be different, I chose to be different. I love funky haircuts and colors because that is a part of me, that is the part of me that says I can do whatever the fuck I want to do because I am a human being just like you, but I do not have to look just like you or act just like you or dress just like you. I am choosing to be comfortable in my own skin, maybe you should try that on for size. Personally, being comfortable in my own skin has been a journey, but a journey that has been well worth the pain, anguish, discomfort, frustration, anxiety because now I get to see the true beauty I have been hiding behind all this time. We all make choices every day, what are you choosing today?

You can choose to hide your pain and anger in that alcohol or drug, rather it is illegal or legal, that mean substances you ingest and substances you feel that you have to have to make you comfortable, such as shopping, material items, eating in excess, not taking care of yourself, etc. Yeah I know what I am talking about because I use to be one that hid behind multiple masks, but I am making a conscious effort starting right this moment not to live in those masks any more. Masks of self defeat, self destruction, selfishness, material items satisfying and making me who I am, etc.

Choice is a word that keeps coming up throughout this, but exactly what does this mean? Here are some synonyms that might help you understand why I am using this word so much: option, variety, superior, and carefully selected. That is right choices become superior to what else we could have decided to do and choices are carefully selected because we chose how we are going to react to someone else around us. So in closing I say this: choose wisely my friend, because you never know when that choice is going to be there again.

Be blessed, find peace and abundance in your life!

True Friends: Are they out there?

How do I know that you are a true friend? How do I know that you won't be one of the many others who use me up until I am dry & then spit me out? How do I know that I am not going to be a fly by the night friend?

I want true friends in my life, friends that love me as I am, accept me for who I am, and are not embarrassed by me in any way. I desire to be my true self and I do not want to be a chameleon just to keep you by my side. I want to know that if I need you, even though it may be three in the morning, that there will be a voice on the other end to listen to my randomness, ramblings, non-sense, sobs, pain, anger, frustration, whatever it is. I want to know that when you say you are going to do something you do it. Don't leave me hanging…I want consistency…I know you have a life; I know you have other friends, but just reassure me that you are a true friend and not a fraud. I don't expect to talk everyday or to see you once a week, but hell if you are on facebook with me you can at least leave me a little message or even comment on one of my random posts.

I understand I come with a lot of baggage, but I am doing my best to deal with my shit, so please bear with me as I work through my pain, my anguish, my frustrations, my chaos, my dysfunction, my life. I am working towards and taking steps towards a better future, but it is painstakingly slow because there is so much to uncover, so many corners and cracks that need light so what is buried there can be uncovered. However, if you are a true friend then you will allow me the time to deal and work on this, you will also stand by my side and love me even through the pain.

Rest assured that if you show me that you are a true friend, you will have my loyalty and I will do all the things for you that I desire and long for in a friend.